Frustration in yourself, & what to do.

Recently I have noticed a vibe in myself that isn't exactly positive. I've stooped to a lower level of attention for God & i haven't been giving him fully what he deserves of me. Which is everything, he deserves me every moment and needs my love to be shown to others.

Weakening in your Christian walk is easy, but what's hard is stepping back up and knowing what's best for you. Which all along this ride I have tried to hard to push back into Gods loving and open arms, but have noticed I prefer the worldly aspect of things, which tears me apart. 

Needing Gods strength is like asking for the impossible to happen, at least it feels that way. You pray for strength, you pray for the pain and heartache to go away & yet you still find yourself in sin! 

You want Gods love to shine through you, and to just be happy~with him in the picture, but it's so hard when you have people around you who are so easily happy and they don't have Jesus to thank. 

I mean they do, they just don't realize it. 

I hate feeling so caught and so trapped like this, and not knowing which direction to face and stick on is nauseating, and exhausting. My heart is in two different spots and all I want is the best for me. 

So I pray and ask all of you for God to do a work in me, that helps me see there is so much more in this life than letting the world over take you; I need stability and I need Gods reassurance that everything will work out, and his plan is better than mine- because IT IS. 

Trying to control your own fate is so not worth it in the end & I know I'll quickly learn that. I just pray for help in my life, for me to see and live out what I need to for God to be strongest in my life. Because the last thing I want to be doing, is trying to teach all of you what's best when I'm not living it out myself.

it pains me to admit these things, but what Christian doesn't have a dry season? 

#pleasepray

Sincerely, 

      Victoria.