The Happy Project [Part 2]

It sometimes takes a long time for someone who suffered from depression to realize what they're worth. It can be a walk we take, a nap we have with some crazy dream, or as I hilariously put last time, a shower- that can change our outlook on life.

The same shower that I mentioned in my last [Part 1] post:
 ( http://christianteengirlzz.blogspot.ca/2015/12/the-happy-project-part-1.html) is the same shower that showed me something extraordinary that can lead to incredible happiness.

As mediocre as you may think I will sound in these next words, I believe it's a technique that will lead me to my fullest self. Little things in your day, and week can lead to a spiritual growth, and can be a depression shrinker!
As I realized earlier amidst the shampoo, happiness is the little things. Things like:
- reading a chapter of a book once a day (I request Spoken For by Robin Jones Gunn & Alyssa  Bethke)
- Next, paint your nails.Whether it be for 2 days or 9 weeks; make them look pretty and stop biting them!
- Make a goal to buy yourself something nice, small or medium sized once every two weeks off of your pay and save for something big you really want. Make goals, fun goals and do something for you.
- Reorganize your room. Now this one may sound silly for those lazy people out there. But I did it the other day, without moving any furniture, and I feel more organized and zen and it added to my happiness and contentment.
- Hang inspiring signs in your space (bedroom, bathroom living room, etc) I have signs all over my bedroom that inspire me to keep going. Things like "Faith is being sure of what you hope for", "Collect moments, not things" "Dream"and "Life is a beautiful ride". Because it's things like this that when I'm feeling down and I feel like no one else is there, I know God is letting me know I'll get through.
- Listen to worship music and or upbeat songs! This is one of the best things I do to feel whole, and to feel more myself. I put headphones in, or wait till no ones home and I crank the worship and Justin Bieber and I dance around the house singing His praises, and maybe a little bit of Sorry and What Do You Mean ;) I give it to God through worship, and that helps my happiness.
- Finally, binge watch Grey's Anatomy or Friends. Cause there's no way you can go wrong there.

The Happy Project [Part 1]

For a while now I have suffered from a form of depression even I have trouble describing.
I have mood swings, I define my personality as "miserable", and I allowed myself to be convinced that that's who I am, and "I'll just have to live with it"... Little did I know, I've been so wrong.

If I'm going to be completely honest with you, I'm going to say I was in the shower this evening and had one of those typical "shower thoughts", only it was the Lord speaking to me; odd timing, I know.
I have convinced myself my disease or whatever you want to call it, was me. That this miserable, cursing, lonely, sad, mopey person was who I am.. But tonight the Lord informed me that this isn't who I am to be, and that it's only the person I allowed myself to be.
I remember the kindred spirit of a little girl I was, I was shy but inside I felt so much more than I said. I was quiet, and timid, and my heart was beating for God.
But when I was little and there would be special services for people who didn't know Jesus I would always accept the Lord as my Saviour, again and again because I thought it wasn't good enough that I did it once, and the teachers in Sunday School who knew me and knew my parents would always look at me funny because they knew I knew Jesus, and probably thought I was confused, or forgot. I never did forget, I just wanted to make sure God knew I loved Him, so I would prove it time and time again. Until one day I realized, it isn't the amount of times I re-accept Him into my heart, because He will always be there from day one until the end of time. He loves me so profusely, that He would send His son, to die for me. Me. Me?
Yeah, me.

It's insane sometimes that through depression we can be convinced we're who were supposed to be, that we're stuck this way; then we realize God has something so much bigger and better for us than this. than that. than her.
The Victoria I am, and the person you can be, is the little happy soul of a little girl or boy you were. The girl I want to be again and I aim to be everyday, is the little girl who realized that she didn't need to keep on asking for God to love her, and to accept Him into her heart, but the one who knew He would stay there forever. Forever.
Regardless of the circumstances we're under, no matter how far we've gone; it can be the 20 minutes you spend in the shower that can change the outlook you have on your life, God and how much He loves you. Profoundly, deeply. loves. YOU.

Never Enough of God...

"Hungry, I come to you; for I know You satisfy. I am empty, but I know your love does not run dry."

Often in life our satisfaction is never filled, we can never have enough money, we never feel happy with our mediocre job, we never have enough time in the day to do what we want, but there is one thing I know for sure, and that is that there is never enough time spent with God, and theres no limit to the amount of Him you can have. As Christians we should always want more, and I want to be never satisfied with the amount of God that I have, I always want to want more of Him. 

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.  Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge” (Psalm 62:5-8) 

“My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times… My soul faints with longing for your salvation” (Psalm 119:20, 81)

As we grow older, we learn more. We seek more wisdom and knowledge, and we are curious. In Luke 2:40, it says "And the child (being Jesus) grew and became strong, filled with wisdom. And the favour of God was upon Him". This verse was in my church sermon this morning, and it hit me hard, because I thought that Jesus was born into the world knowing everything, God gave him everything he needed and he was as smart as could be, but realizing Jesus had things to learn about, and grow wisdom through, has me seeing that its okay to not know everything, and its okay to learn, and most of all, its its amazing to know Jesus was the same way. 

We still have things to learn, and by grace through faith we will. 

As we grow and learn in this life, may we realize that as it says in Philippians 2:15, to be lights in the world, in a twisted and crooked generation; that we could shine the light of God and learn wisdom through His leading, and His will. 

If you may learn anything from this short blog post, let it be to never not want more of God, be hungry always for Him, follow His leading, and know that learning wisdom and growing more understanding is being just like Jesus. Provided it's in His will for your life, and you do it by His great name. And to be lights in this dark world. 

God bless, Merry belated Christmas! 

xoxo

To My Best Friend

To my best friend, we aren't the type who want to go shopping every weekend, we aren't the type to skype call when Vampire Diaries is on, we aren't the type to gossip and we sure aren't into girly drama, and my favourite part, we don't have to text every day to be as close as we are. 

Some friendships are a once in a life time sorta thing, and I believe that's what we have. We get cheesy and corny with each other, and we know each other's deep emotions without having to cry about it, or even speak in order for the other person to understand we're deeply hurt or upset about the topic. 

When we get together it doesn't matter what we do, it could be driving to our spot & talking, baking puppy chow (that I forget to add the butter into) or playing board games with the family- there's never a dull moment and there's never a time where we don't pick up right where we left off. 

I don't think I thank you enough for all that you are for me. You're my right hand, you're my go to😉;) you're my taxi, my beckon call, you're the person I tell everything to, and I trust you with my life. 

Thank you for "nigga beats®", and "bud", & "fart hole nigga", thank you for always being down to sit in Timmies and play Mad-Libs with me, thanks for letting me have the last bite, thank you for telling me I deserve better, thanks for putting up with my stories & understanding my heart. Thank you for believing in me, and giving me hope that my decisions are the right ones. Thank you for not being bossy, but telling me how it is when I need to hear it. 

Thank you for commenting my name on hilarious Facebook posts and thank you for hating life with me. Thanks for agreeing to disagree, and thanks for calling me when you're bored. Thank you, for being my person. I will always be yours. 

Self Worth + Your Love Story

In 2k15, it is so beyond me how people find their self worth, or how they think their self worth is defined and where they search for it. especially women. it saddens my heart to know there are teen girls, and teens becoming adults who seek after men like they need to seek after the lord. 

We so often “need to look pretty for him!” and “he cant come over until i have at least mascara on!” and we think we need to be on our A game in every aspect before he can see or talk to us, and its this crazy infatuation we have with constantly needing to be good enough, and always thinking we need to say the right thing and be the right version of ourselves; when really thats all pointless and our self worth is found in Jesus. 

He payed such a price for us to love Him and cherish him. 

God says “you are my treasured possession, my peculiar treasure” (Exodus 19:5) and he wants you more than anyone, or anything ever will. 

its always been so hard for me to comprehend that, until i came into an encounter with love. To come into a spiritual encounter with the father. and worship music is great for that. But the real question is, when you're all by yourself- can you encounter the father? can you encounter love? 

i encountered this after i had experienced some deep hurt, i was sitting in my room glooming about it and i began to cry. My heart hurt, and i wanted nothing more than to be anywhere but here. Suddenly i fell to the floor from my desk chair, and cried out to The Lord. I was feeling such pain, but in the same moment God held me in his loving arms and embraced me, and told me who i was: His. 

Pain isn't instantly taken away every time, but with The Lord 

To understand that God truly, completely loves us is insane to fathom. Honestly, i sometimes have a hard time even thinking He exists- “where’s God?” but we only question that when we’re not investing time in Him. All relationships are two way streets, and we cant expect God to be both sides of it!

I am in a constantly changing, and growing relationship with Jesus Christ; i have known Jesus loved me since a very young age, but its taken me until i was eighteen and a couple dozen bad life experiences to realize what love is. Love is Jesus. Love is the price he payed for me on that cross. He payed such an incredible price…and all He wants back for that, is our love, and our hearts. 

I’ve come notice, i am one of the strongest people i know, but its through Jesus that I am. I recently started my freshman year of college, and i noticed myself caving. i didn't let myself think too much about it, because i knew if i did pain would follow, and regret and.. and conviction. Thats the scary one. You finally feel bad about it, because The Lord is revealing Himself in your heart. My strength through situations is Gods love and His promises. Even though i made mistakes, He held me closer than anyone ever could, and continued to write our love story by finding me in my hard place, and calling me to him. 

God is constantly writing your love story, always. He is always seeking your heart and craving your love. He can never get enough of you, and His love is breath taking, unfathomable and beyond our comprehension. He sees us in our worst, and makes us look our best. He loves us in happy times, and loves us in bad times. He sees our hurt, and holds us in his embrace. 

Psalm 34:18 “When you are brokenhearted, i am close to you”

5 Things To Know About People Who Suffer From Anxiety

5 things to know about people who suffer from anxiety:

1. we can’t relax when you tell us to. - sorry what? Im quite positive my lungs feel like they’re about to cave in, and my heart feels like its popping out of my chest, but yah know; telling me to relax will fix that in no time!
2. don’t tell us its okay - i know you’re trying to make me feel better and all but I’m not okay. I’m sweating and blacking out and as much as we both wish it was okay, it isn’t. Sometimes its best to just not say anything and rub my back and be silent.
3. We have our good and bad days, our good and bad moments and our awful aching hours. but we’re happy people. 
4. There are so many different types of anxiety that doctors probably don’t even understand or know about-from situational anxiety all the way to the generically known stress anxiety and panic attacks. Everyones different and everyone reacts and relaxes differently. We may have the same type of anxiety but were two different people. No one is the same especially with anxiety. 
5. Not even we understand it.- When you ask us why were having an anxiety most times (especially for myself) we don’t know, it just.. happens. and we deal with it in the moment. 

The Lord says to cast all anxieties onto him, which through my anxiety i have learned is all i can do. I’ve given my anxiety to the lord in my moments of attacks, and struggles to the best of my abilities. 

The most generic verse i could give you that says what i just said but in 1 Peter 5:7 “cast all your anxiety onto Him because He cares for you.”

Isaiah 40:31says this:

“but those who hope i the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint”

What that says to me, is those who wait upon the lord and serve him will have all their anxiety, pain and suffering will have it be renewed in Him and replaced with love, strength, and assurance. 

Matthew 6:34- “therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own"

If I give it to The Lord, its the one thing i know will keep me sane. Breathe through each moment, gather it all in, and make the most of each breathe you take and be grateful for it. Because anxiety is just a thing, a thing we can deal with and cast onto The Lord. 

                                                                                 xoxo 

Dear Mom & Dad

Thank you. Thank you for getting me this far, thank you for putting up with my quirks & faults, my tears and my smiles. Thank you for being too hard on me, thank you for listening to me & most of all thank you for letting me speak my mind.

Many people are not as privileged as I am to grow up in a household where they have a voice, but I was blessed enough to have you two as parents, and I am blessed enough to be heard.

Thank you for never letting us open a Christmas gift early, thank you for playing hide and seek in the dark and scaring the living day lights out of me, thank you for squeezing my hand at Disney World daddy, and thank you for rubbing & patting my back until I fell asleep mommy. 

Thank you for showing me such Godly attributes to live by, and teaching me to love the God that created me, and thank you for having amazing talks on my self worth and my insecurities- whether it be at 3 AM, or on a car ride home. Thank you. 

Thank you for allowing me to choose the school I wanted to go to, you have never rushed us to make big decisions, and never held us back from our dreams. 

Now you're doing the most difficult thing parents do, you're letting me go. 

You're planning going away showers, buying me plates and towels and cups and you're getting a second job to help with our school expenses and buying me textbooks; even though in doing all that- you're helping me leave. 

Before I go and you are no longer one room over, or even one city over- I want to let you know I'll be okay. 

Don't doubt the way you've raised me, and have faith in who you've taught me to be. Through every single day I've been in this house, you've taught me at least one thing a day. I know who I am in Jesus Christ, and who I want to portray to others that I am. Don't doubt the person I have become and what I stand for.

I want you to know, I will miss you like I've never missed anyone, I will get home sick and I will most likely cry myself to sleep at least one night- I will call you when I've had a bad day and ask you to talk till I feel better; even though your not in the next room; I will always need you. both of you. forever. 

But... I will also love the freedom. From the time I was able to know what freedom was I haven't been able to wait to have it. The first few weeks I will be thriving off of it. But know that it's just temporary, and don't take it personally at all. 

Although this may be the end of one era, know that this is the beginning of an incredible one and the world awaits us all. 

I want you to explore, find new things, make new foods, have fun without me. I want to hear about all of it when I come back! (but not too much fun.. miss me a little) 

I will never let a day pass where I don't work my hardest because the two of you have never taken a break to not do that for us. 

Thank you for loving me through my mistakes, and the ones I have yet to make. 

I will be okay, as nervous as I am. I will. and I love you to the moon & back. ❤️🌙