The Ultimate Struggle of Christianity

It's hard being a Christian. It's hard being raised in a Christian home. It's really hard figuring out what you as your own person believes. 

My entire life I've gone through the motions of life: gone to Sunday school as a kid, went to jr. high youth group as a pre-teen, went to senior youth group as a teenager, went to church on Sunday's. 

I've never honestly been the Christian who plays it safe. I have always been the type of person to speak my mind, and have my own opinion, regardless of anyone else's. 

Being a Christian as a young adult in this world, this world that is constantly changing, constantly becoming more accepting & more and more people are going with the motions (too); is beyond difficult & let me tell you why.

I love people, I will never put someone down, make them feel ashamed or belittled for who they are, what they believe is true, who they love, how they dress, their past relationships and trials; not only because Gods love displays that but because that's just who I am. Point blank. But I think a lot of times what those who judge Christians mistaken acceptance for is settling or giving into the world.  

It's hard being a Christian now because you want to display Gods love and love your neighbour as unto yourself (Matthew 22:39) but non-Christians see that as us saying that a sinful life is ok, and I constantly feel stuck, trapped and confused on what to say, what to feel and what to believe is true. 

If Gods word says to love your neighbour, that's everyone around you- it doesn't say "love some of your neighbours under these conditions" it's very straight forward. I. love. people. 

It's also hard because as someone who doesn't like to play life safe, I take risks, I love doing adventurous crazy things, I want to truly live life. Where the difficulty of living this Christian life comes in, is when someone else's idea of fun isn't something I was into, but now is. I'm not perfect, I am flawed & I have sinned and made mistakes. But I also won't apologize for them. It's hard when your faith is challenged because your friends want to drink or any other act you know isn't 100% you; and you "give in" and you never hear the end of it. 

Knowing that God is real is so much bigger than a drink or two that I have, or what I wear or who I don't judge, guys. it's so much more than that, it's knowing there is a creator of the universe who made you intriquitely original & 100% breathe taking that He had his son die for you on the cross. It's knowing THAT is true before anything else. 

It could be complicated or it could be simple. I choose simplicity & love. 

I believe there is a God, I believe that cross stood with Jesus on it, bleeding for my sins, though I also believe in acceptance and love & life. God knows your heart & wants to hear it. Share love, speak what you believe & don't stop until you get exactly what you want. 

Seasons of Life

With Valentine's Day coming up, my mom and I sat down and watched the movie (Valentine's Day) on Netflix. Without thinking about it, we hit play and gawked over the love stories, and I oohed over the overly attractive guys. (thank the Lord for Patrick Dempsey and Ashton Kutcher)
Anyways, by the end we were love struck, jealous and I was honestly left feeling lonely.
I came into my room to think and just talk to God about it, before I began to pray I started watching a Youtube video (The Ex-Boyfriend Tag) with Andrea Ruessett and Kian Lawley- two of my favourites on Youtube. And a quarter way through it the word Season  came into my mind. "Season, season, season". In this video I saw that they were okay, that they were in a new phase of life, something God kept whispering to me as a season. They were okay, friends in fact and carrying on, laughing about memories, and talking about why they broke up ant etc.

I suddenly opened my Bible, and where God took me was to Leviticus 26. If you were to flip to that book, and that chapter right now you might be confused with how it relates to my loneliness; but God spoke to me through it, and whether it was read by me the "right" way, or I was left interpreting it differently than it was intended, it worked.
Leviticus 26:1 says: "Do not make idols or set up carved images, or sacred pillars, or sculptured stones in your land so you may worship them. I am the Lord your God."
This verse more than likely means more than one thing, and is 99.9% interpreted by many people differently. God brought it to me in a way where I saw the idols and images as what I expect love to be, this stunningly beautiful love story like in the movies, this never before seen or felt way of how a guy will tell you he still loves you, or that he always has, and always will- and the land as being my heart and my mind, and at the end of the verse, God is reminding you He is the one you are to love more than anything.
My land is expecting this multitude of idols to come so I can worship and honour them, but I'm forgetting about Gods love. Forgetting that this is a season I can fall in love with God through, and not an earthly man. Forgetting that He is who I am to honour and praise because of His promise and love for me.

So back to the word "season", as I read the rest of the chapter up to verse nine (9) I began to see the word Season in more than one of the sentences. It talks about harvesting fruit, yielding the crops and the grape harvest, and the season of planting grain. I saw all of these as metaphors for my life, reminding me there are seasons of life we are to enjoy, seasons of life we are to take our time in, and seasons of life to be utterly thankful for.
I'm currently walking through a season of life in which I call "The Single Season". Though its been a while since I've been in a relationship, God has needed this season to last longer than others; so that my heart can change.
If we rush our crops, and plant our harvest too late or too soon it will go bad, or not turn out right. It's the same way with our lives, we can't rush the seasons, or we won't become who God needs us to be for the seasons ahead. in 26:6 it speaks on giving you peace, you will be rid of fear.
As God holds be through this season, and teaches me being single is a season in which He needs me in for now, giving me peace, and not having me fear the road ahead, I know He has someone amazing for me in mind, who will demonstrate Gods love to me, and that will be a new season.

Enjoy the seasons of life God carries you through, that will make the next season all the more beautiful.

Perks & Quirks of Being in an Amazing Youth Group

ONE: The group chats.

Who doesn't want 12 different group chats for thirteen hundered different topics to do with coming together for something amazing? ✋🏻

TWO: The extremely easy bonds you create.

Even if you've just joined the youth group from another church, come off the street, or are figuring out what church is- they're beyond accepting & I guarantee you'll click with at least one person, and that person - will be your person.

THREE: The creative outlet. 

This may just be for a small amount of people out there- but as for me and my youth group (we will serve the Lord) lol, but what I mean is: we can let out ideas we have for games, talk about events we wanna hold & paint our lives onto each other's hearts. It's an incredible outlet to have in your life.

FOUR: The random movie nights.

Whether it's watching a hilarious amount of crappy America's Got Talent auditions or Fun With Dick & Jane- it's amazing to have genuine people surrounding you, enjoying the simple things in life. 

FIVE: The support.

Ups and downs happen more often than not in everyday life, and it's beyond amazing to have people to catch you when you fall. Or even when you're looking for a shoulder to cry on, or someone to vent to; it's there.  

SIX: did I mention the group chats? 

SEVEN: The Accountability*.

When your heart is set on doing things for the Lord, but you know you'll struggle doing it on your own- it's incredible to be able to ask your church family to aid you in whatever it is you need aiding in. 

EIGHT: The family bond you have.

You're willing to defend them if someone is rude to them on social media, says something rude in Starbucks, or someone judges them for something in their past. You're a family, you stick by them, forgive them, pray about them & give them to God. 

NINE: The reliability. 

Whether it's asking them to remind you about what time youth is at on Friday, or picking you up for church on Sunday morning. (& anything else in between) you know these people will do anything for you, and if they can't, they make a way. 

TEN: The Truth. 

Honestly, honesty is our best quality. You're with these people to get closer to God, and to open your heart & get real. It's not only easy, but weight lifting. 

This post is dedicated to my youth group, and discipleship group. Love you guys. xo 

How to Survive Post Dental Surgery!

Well, here I am with my most exciting post yet! ;) 

I may or may not be joking; but with that being said: I had my very first surgery yesterday & I thought I would share with you guys the perks, disadvantages & suffering I've gone through in the last 24 hours+. 

My first recipe for a cure is this incredible smoothie I made. I finally got off the couch & made myself something I will make for the rest of my life!! mhm mhm, good! 

I used two spoonfuls of brownie iced cream, shh;) The Nestle Sundae (chillin chocolate brownie) brand, delicious on its own as well. (that's another dental surgery perk, ice cream!) Then a full banana, I just mushed it up with my hands so it made for easier blending, then a handful and a half of blue berries and raspberries, then about a cup and a half of almond milk, and ta da! 

I put it in my cute little mason jar (without a straw of course, dental surgery set back) and enjoyed with my chocolate pudding! 

The perks of having a tooth pulled is your parents wait on you often, bring you your meds & when you're in pain they comfort you. ( and bring you home McDonald's smoothies & Tim Hortons French vanillas) THANK YOU SO MUCH MOM! 

It's all the little things that add up when you're trying to get better. Like watching movies with your mom until 1 am, or your dad hugging you more often. As silly as that may all sound, it helps you feel better. 

As my mouth heals, my heart is growing fuller; appreciating the little and big things your family does for you & the prayer your friends and family do for you that makes this so much more capable to get through. 

Thank you:) now go make a delicious smoothie & watch About Time on Netflix! 

                 xoxo Victoria :) 

God Meets You Right Where You Are

Its insane how we seem to think that when we're struggling and arguing with life, that God leaves us astray. We wonder why we feel like we're walking this heartache alone, we question why the heartache even happened. And the truth is, I'm not fit to answer those questions. But here's how I look at life struggles, and some of the things I do to look over them at the brighter side of life, and how giving them to God will bring you through them.

For months I was struggling, I was in what felt like a very unsafe, "un-homey" feeling. I felt lost, but didn't know it, I was lowering my standards for the acceptance of others, I dove right into college life, and told myself not to look back.
What I didn't realize at the time, is that is was temptation pulling me towards that life; satan. I wasn't going to let him win.
The night I realized I needed to come home I was in an environment where major drugs were happening; and although I did not partake in the events happening, I couldn't believe my eyes.
I could not comprehend that I had gotten myself to a place where this is where I was standing. Physically, and emotionally I didn't know who I was anymore.
I went home late that night, and I cried myself to sleep. For nights that felt unending I went to bed with tears in my eyes because I felt trapped, secluded, lonely, unwanted, unloved, and alone.

What we never seem to realize when we feel alone is that through this, God had a purpose for my heart, and my life. He met me right where I was, in my pain. He knows my heart, I knew my cry for help was real. After nights of sobbing myself to sleep, one night instead the song Oceans by Hillsong United came on my Beats headphones. All I can sum up about that evening is that I was lifted up, the Lord met me right where I was and set me free from this lonely, sad, depressed, anxiety filled, scared, home sick girl and held me. As the lyrics sang "Keep my eyes above the waves, when oceans rise my soul will rest in your embrace. For I am yours, and you are mine" I just broke down. I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I suddenly fell to the dorm room floor. I banged the floor with my fists praising Jesus and in those moments clarity in my sorrow was found. Crying out to God, hoping He'll hear you- not even knowing He was there holding you, waiting for you.
He is my portion, He gives me breath, He gives me warmth, He keeps my eyes above the waves.
Through my struggles, and especially this major one; God set me free, He met me right where I was. In sin, in pain, in the scary shadows of what I call darkness, and reminded me of His love and how it is eternal, and my pain and this life- isn't.

Oceans-  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw

The Happy Project [Part 2]

It sometimes takes a long time for someone who suffered from depression to realize what they're worth. It can be a walk we take, a nap we have with some crazy dream, or as I hilariously put last time, a shower- that can change our outlook on life.

The same shower that I mentioned in my last [Part 1] post:
 ( http://christianteengirlzz.blogspot.ca/2015/12/the-happy-project-part-1.html) is the same shower that showed me something extraordinary that can lead to incredible happiness.

As mediocre as you may think I will sound in these next words, I believe it's a technique that will lead me to my fullest self. Little things in your day, and week can lead to a spiritual growth, and can be a depression shrinker!
As I realized earlier amidst the shampoo, happiness is the little things. Things like:
- reading a chapter of a book once a day (I request Spoken For by Robin Jones Gunn & Alyssa  Bethke)
- Next, paint your nails.Whether it be for 2 days or 9 weeks; make them look pretty and stop biting them!
- Make a goal to buy yourself something nice, small or medium sized once every two weeks off of your pay and save for something big you really want. Make goals, fun goals and do something for you.
- Reorganize your room. Now this one may sound silly for those lazy people out there. But I did it the other day, without moving any furniture, and I feel more organized and zen and it added to my happiness and contentment.
- Hang inspiring signs in your space (bedroom, bathroom living room, etc) I have signs all over my bedroom that inspire me to keep going. Things like "Faith is being sure of what you hope for", "Collect moments, not things" "Dream"and "Life is a beautiful ride". Because it's things like this that when I'm feeling down and I feel like no one else is there, I know God is letting me know I'll get through.
- Listen to worship music and or upbeat songs! This is one of the best things I do to feel whole, and to feel more myself. I put headphones in, or wait till no ones home and I crank the worship and Justin Bieber and I dance around the house singing His praises, and maybe a little bit of Sorry and What Do You Mean ;) I give it to God through worship, and that helps my happiness.
- Finally, binge watch Grey's Anatomy or Friends. Cause there's no way you can go wrong there.

The Happy Project [Part 1]

For a while now I have suffered from a form of depression even I have trouble describing.
I have mood swings, I define my personality as "miserable", and I allowed myself to be convinced that that's who I am, and "I'll just have to live with it"... Little did I know, I've been so wrong.

If I'm going to be completely honest with you, I'm going to say I was in the shower this evening and had one of those typical "shower thoughts", only it was the Lord speaking to me; odd timing, I know.
I have convinced myself my disease or whatever you want to call it, was me. That this miserable, cursing, lonely, sad, mopey person was who I am.. But tonight the Lord informed me that this isn't who I am to be, and that it's only the person I allowed myself to be.
I remember the kindred spirit of a little girl I was, I was shy but inside I felt so much more than I said. I was quiet, and timid, and my heart was beating for God.
But when I was little and there would be special services for people who didn't know Jesus I would always accept the Lord as my Saviour, again and again because I thought it wasn't good enough that I did it once, and the teachers in Sunday School who knew me and knew my parents would always look at me funny because they knew I knew Jesus, and probably thought I was confused, or forgot. I never did forget, I just wanted to make sure God knew I loved Him, so I would prove it time and time again. Until one day I realized, it isn't the amount of times I re-accept Him into my heart, because He will always be there from day one until the end of time. He loves me so profusely, that He would send His son, to die for me. Me. Me?
Yeah, me.

It's insane sometimes that through depression we can be convinced we're who were supposed to be, that we're stuck this way; then we realize God has something so much bigger and better for us than this. than that. than her.
The Victoria I am, and the person you can be, is the little happy soul of a little girl or boy you were. The girl I want to be again and I aim to be everyday, is the little girl who realized that she didn't need to keep on asking for God to love her, and to accept Him into her heart, but the one who knew He would stay there forever. Forever.
Regardless of the circumstances we're under, no matter how far we've gone; it can be the 20 minutes you spend in the shower that can change the outlook you have on your life, God and how much He loves you. Profoundly, deeply. loves. YOU.